Feelings

Last week I went to get my eyebrows waxed and was talking to the lady about how we were leaving the country next week and as I proceeded to explain that we were adopting a child with special needs she immediately got teary and said " I just got goosebumps all over". She proceeded to say "I just think it is so amazing that you are knowingly choosing a child with down syndrome" I then informed her that I already had a daughter with down syndrome and she just looked at me in shock and said "wow! To think that you know what it is like to have a child with special needs and yet you STILL want another one...that is incredible." I then explained how Bree has changed us for the better and how we never imagined being on this path but here we are and it feels right.

It has been so neat to be able to talk to people; friends, neighbors, strangers at the grocery store or the bank, about this journey and this little girl. The cashier at Old Navy was in tears the other day as I explained why I was buying 2 of the same size dress, and she said the same thing " I have goose bumps all over and it is so good to hear good stories like this in the world we live in today"

I think that is one of the greatest blessings we have seen come of this journey so far, is that there are MANY good people trying to do good things and help others. We are so often bombarded in the news and all around us with the negative and then to travel this road the last few months we have met amazing people and seen so much giving through all of this. It doesn't matter what age, or what race, or what religion, there are lots of great people out there, and we feel blessed to have crossed paths with so many of them through Kareen.

It may sound weird but a little part of me is going to miss when this journey is over because we have felt the Lord's spirit so strongly through it all and have been able to witness so many everyday miracles throughout this. Not a day has gone by in the last 5 months that I have not shed tears and felt the Lord's hand guiding us along this path.

I have MANY different feelings going through me this week as the countdown gets closer and closer.

Many of the emotions I am feeling as this becomes reality are similar to what I felt at the end of each of my pregnancies.....

I feel:

Fear of the unknown

Excitement to meet this new child. To see her smile, to feel her arms around me, and to hear her laugh.

Sadness that my current "baby" will not be the "baby" anymore and that the new addition to the family will change the dynamics of the baby of the family.

Then there are more emotions specific to this adoption:

I feel:

Heartache that I have to leave my 3 girls for so long and for their tears as we prepare to leave.

Anxiety about traveling (and flying) to a foreign country and all the unknowns of how long we will be over there and all the details of the process from this point on.

Worry about how Kareen will adjust when she is taken from everything she has ever known, and what she will think when she meets us, but at the same time Happiness that we are able to give Kareen the love of a family and a new life that she deserves.

Hope that our family will mesh well and be able to adjust to this new little toddler and to the changes it may bring

Overwhelmed at the love we have felt during this process both from good friends, family and even those we don't know.

Grateful for the MANY people who have helped us get to this point and for the amazing friends and family who will be sacrificing to look after our girls while we are away.

Amazement at the miracles we have been a part of this last 5 months, and the way that the Lord provides when we follow His path.

Humbled by the thought of what would have happened had we not followed the prompting to save this little girl.

Peace that the Lord is in control and things will be ok. He has brought us this far and He will not leave us now.

Love for my husband who made this journey possible because of the great man that he is and who I will get to have by my side each step of the way. Love for my girls who have given their whole hearts to this little girl already. They are always leaving little notes thanking us for adopting Kareen. Love for my friends and family who have listened to us talk about this non stop for 5 months and who have been nothing but supportive of our decision. Love for this little girl who's eyes captured my heart and who I have not met but already Love.