It's started already

Now that we have a travel date and are making all the arrangements to be gone, the girls have started struggling with the idea of us being gone for so long. Tonight I think it became real that we are really going to be gone and that it is going to be for a long time. Longer than we have ever been away from them. They broke down in tears tonight as they realized all the things we will be missing.....like their big end of the year dance recital (Bree's very first one) and the only one they do all year, Bree's end of year school program (most likely), all the end of school festivities that we look forward to every year like field day and school picnic day and pictures with their teachers and so forth. Not knowing when we will be coming home, means there is a good chance that we will be gone for the last week of school and suddenly it is hitting them....and me...... and this is going to be hard!

All along, from the very beginning of this process I knew that this was going to be the hardest part for me but I didn't realize they would already be worrying about it....when we still have a month until we leave.

The girls also realized that we may not get to bring Kareen home this first trip and would then have to leave them again to go get her, and we won't know this until the end of the trip. So they are now adding a new item to their prayer list which now include these prayers in regards to Kareen "Bless Kareen to stay at the baby room until mom and dad can get there, Bless Kareen to be healthy and strong and safe, and bless that mom and dad will get to bring her home with them on the first trip."

Adrie broke down in tears tonight before bed, after trying to hold them back, and said "you will be missing my first field day mom" You see she has always been coming with me all these years to help at Kyra's and was SO looking forward to me being able to help with hers this year.

My heart aches as I think about missing these events in their lives, that may seem little, but are big to them and to me because I am always at these types of things, always. I can't even express how hard it is going to be for me to be away from them for 2-3...or more weeks and I get so emotional and then I worry that they will be safe and it all comes to the surface.

But then I remember the REASON we are doing all this.

The reason we are sacrificing and missing out on things

The reason we are feeling heartache at the thought of being apart from eachother

and that reason is for

ONE LITTLE GIRL who needs us. She needs a family. She needs someone to miss her and she needs someone to miss. She needs to be able to have a dance recital. She needs to be able to go to school and to have field day. She needs the chance to have a life and to experience joy and love. And I know we will learn quickly that we need her too!

And I keep reminding myself that the Lord has guided us through each step of this process and has had a plan through it all. It has all been His timing, not mine so although the travel dates are in my opinion some of the worst times we could be gone.....I have to trust that it will all work out and that the Lord has it all under control.

When I first started talking to my sister in law, Lindey, about the idea of pursuing Kareen, one of my biggest concerns was leaving my girls for so long and I told her I didn't know how I could do that and she said to me "yes but you are going to bring home another member of your family. You are going to get your daughter."

I remember one of the many nights that Kris and I laid in bed late at night talking about if this was the path our family should be going down and if it was the path, was Kareen the one we were supposed to add to our family. One night as we were talking Kris quietly said, "honey is this little girl our daughter? " can you not picture your life without her?"

I broke down sobbing and said "I think so"

If Kyra, Adrie, or Bree were stranded half way around the world, and all alone, I would move mountains to get to them and bring them home, and Kareen is going to be our daughter too so therefore we will do what we have to do to save her and to bring her home.